Here is a picture!!

I finally have a bit of energy today....which of course is scaring me! Anyway, here is one of the ultrasound pictures from yesterday. It is difficult to see the "baby" on the left because he/she was at a weird angle. (There was definitely a heartbeat though!)

In other news, I just found out today that the fourth embryo made it to cryopreservation. I am so happy that he made it!!! I have been feeling guilty that I left that one out, so I am just thrilled that we could possibly have a chance to meet it one day! Oh well, take care & have a good night!

Here is the picture at 6 weeks 3 days:

6w3d 

6 weeks 3 days

Thank God, we have 2 heartbeats!!!! I still can't believe that there are two little ones in me...but we saw them this morning & they were beating away at 119 bpm & 118 bpm. They were both measuring within range...one at 6w3d & the other at 6w1d. The small one was hiding a bit, so it was difficult for the doctor to get an accurate picture. They are cutting me back to a 1/2 cc of progesterone & they had me call my OB to make an appointment. I still need to go back next week to the RE, but they are slowly trying to cut their ties with me. These next few weeks are critical, and I have a very LONG way to go before I am out of the woods....but I am happy that I made it past another step!!! (I will try in the next day or two to post an u/s picture -- I am too tired to figure it out now!)

Well, I guess that is it for not.....take care & best wishes to all!!!

5 weeks 3 days

We had the first ultrasound this morning. I am delighted to report that we currently have twins!!! The doctor noted that 25% of twin pregnancies go on to deliver only one baby, so we are obviously not banking on this actually happening. My husband and I are in shock & can't believe there are 2 little ones in there! We are so jadded from our past miscarriages that we can't even fathom having one healthy baby, so having two is almost laughable & very far fetched.

The doctor said that she saw everything that she wanted to see at this point. They both had yolk sacs & a "good" shape. My numbers were also very good....they went from 481, eight days ago, to 14,427!!!!!! I have NEVER had such high hcg numbers....even when I was over 9 weeks pregnant! (Obviously this is because of the dynamic duo!) I have to go back next Monday (11/29) for another ultrasound....this one to detect fetal poles & heartbeats! I can guarantee this will be the longest Thanksgiving break I have ever had!

I have been totally exhausted the past week. All I do is go to work, come home & take a nap, wake up to eat & do a butt shot, and then go back to bed for the night....in between all this, I pee about 1,000 times! I will gladly continue with this glamorous life if it means having a healthy baby...or two!!

Well, thanks for the prayers & positive thoughts! They are working wonders.....and we wouldn't mind a few more!!! Take care & Best wishes to all!!!!

11dp 5dt

My second beta came back at 481!! I am very excited that it more than doubled. My next appointment is next Monday 11/22, for bloodwork & the first ultrasound. I'm going to try to stay "happy" until then!

After the b/w this morning, we decided to take a ride to the town where I grew up. It was very early in the morning, and everything was very serene. We decided to go to the church where we got married. We got there just in time for mass...with the priest who married us. After mass, I noticed a little park-like area that I had never seen before. We walked over to it & there was a sign saying that it was dedicated to unborn children. There were several statues and benches in the area. I was so touched by this & shocked that it was there. I am very happy that we took that ride this morning!

Anyway, I am very tired from my early morning fun...so it is now naptime! Take care & Best wishes to all!

9dp5dt

Well, I am ashamed to admit that I couldn't keep my word on not testing, but I want this blog to be an accurate depiction of my journey, so here is the run down of the past 72 hours.

Tuesday Night 11/9 (6dp5dt = 6 days past the 5 day transfer) -- After deciding NOT to use any hpts, I decide it is a good idea to use an OPK. WTF was I thinking? I wanted to see if peeing on an OPK would give me a dark line & then I wouldn't have to worry about doing an HPT. Well, this insane idea left me crying hysterically! The second line came up, but not as dark as the control line. My husband thought I was crazy & I had to explain that I peed on an OPK & not an HPT because he was confused with the 2 lines being there. He was ready to kill me because I wasn't using the test for its "intended purpose". He actually convinced me to us an HPT in the morning.

Wednesday Morning 11/10 (7dp5dt)-- I wake up early & pee on the HPT. A faint positive comes up. This gives me a renewed hope, however I am VERY cautious because it could be residule hcg from the trigger shot. I still have no symptoms, but just a sense of hope that the cycle isn't over (like I felt the night before).

Wednesday Afternoon -- After school, I decide that I held my pee for several hours, so I wanted to see if the test got darker. Am I on crack? I pee on the stick & it is about the same color as it was in the morning.

Thursday Morning 11/11 (8dp5dt)-- I wake up early to pee, so I decide to use the last of my FRE 3 pack. The line comes up a bit darker. I am still very weary that this actually worked. I still had no symptoms, except I couldn't stop peeing all day. I must have peed between every class. On my way home from work, I stopped at Target to buy another 3 pack.

Friday Morning 11/12 (9dp5dt) -- I couldn't sleep all night. I kept tossing & turning. I was up before my alarm went off at 4:30 AM. I decided to take one more test and this time it is slightly darker, but barely. I went in for my beta & see my favorite nurse. She told me she was going to call me as soon as she found something out. I stopped by my sister's house before going to school & it was there I got the call at 8:00 AM. The nurse said, "You did it!" My beta was 177 at 9dp5dt. She was happy with my numbers but told me she would call again later after the doctor had a chance to look at them. (She called back & all is well.)

I am in utter shock that I am actually pregnant again. I don't have many symptoms of my own right now except for peeing.....everything else is the progesterone shots. I have to go back on Sunday for my repeat beta & I pray it doubles. I am trying to take this pregnancy with a new attitude, rather than my TYPE A personality. Everything is out of my hands, so I am just going to try to "enjoy" being pregnant! (We shall see how long I can keep this up!) I am just so happy that I passed one more step! There is a HUGE road ahead of me & I am going to either stay on it or get booted off....and it is totally out of my control. If it is meant to be...it will be!

I am so thankful to God that so far, this cycle worked! I can't thank you all enough for all your luv & support! I don't want to get mushy on you all, but I truly feel blessed to have a wonderful support network. Well, take care & best wishes to all!!!

Waiting Again!!!!

Well, I'm still waiting!! It has only been 2 days & I feel like it has been a year! I haven't broken down & POAS yet...but each morning I get the urge. I'm thinking about not testing at all & just being surprised Friday. If I go this route, I won't check my messages until I get home from work...this way if it is bad news, I have the entire weekend to sulk over it. (I'm worried if I test too early that there will be residule hcg from the trigger shot. Any thoughts?)

I still feel NOTHING!!! I wish there was a sign to tell me one way or another if this cycle worked. I keep looking at the pictures of my embryos & I can't help to wonder if they are still inside me, or if they "fell" out! Well, 3 more days to go......I wonder if I'll make it! Take care & best wishes to all!!

I'm in the 1 week wait!

I want to thank you all for putting-up with me through this insanity...and more importantly, I want to thank you all for giving me so much luv & support!!!! I am officially a mess right now! I am 4 days past the 5 day transfer...and I don't feel a thing!!! At 9 dpo last time, I had a positive on a pregnancy test & I was starving all the time.........why do I feel NOTHING?!? Every once in a while, I break out into the Chorus Line song Nothing...my husband thinks I'm crazy...but that's not new! Every waking minute has been spent wondering if I am pregnant or if I feel anything that leads me believe I am pregnant. It took every last iota of sanity that I have to not pee on a stick this morning! I must have been on crack when I decided to buy a box of FRE 2 weeks ago. I thought it was a good idea to have some tests in the house in case I wanted to do one the night before the beta (so that I don't have to find out it is a BFN in school). Well, I should have waited for that day to buy them....because now they are torturing me!

All the IPS I had when I started the progesterone are gone except the sore & huge boobs. My husband and I were laughing that noone needs implants...they just need progesterone shots in their butt!!! Anyway, I can't seem to escape thinking about this cycle....I was in Party City the other day & Ace of Base was playing over the loud speaker..."All that she wants is another baby....." I though WTF, this song is 10 years old & it has to be playing today to really make me feel crazy?!?!?

Well, I've made plans for my next cycle....we are going to try on our own without meds for a few months. I feel good knowing there is a plan in place if this cycle doesn't work. I have 5 more days of this torture.....hopefully going to work will take my mind off of this for a few minutes! Take care & thank you for everything!

Praise the Lord!!!!!

I can't believe I made it through TRANSFER!!!!!! Of the 7 embryos I had on Saturday, 6 of them made it to Day 3. Out of the 6, five made it to PGD testing & I can't believe they were all NORMAL!!!!!!!! (Thank you God!!) My biggest fear was that my husband and I were never going to be able to have healthy children. Getting these test results back has given me a new lease on TTC. Even if this cycle doesn't work, I have hope for the future!!

One of the five embryos (a male) stopped growing between Tuesday & Wednesday, so there were 4 available to transfer. My doctor called asking me how many I wanted to transfer, 3 or 4! I was shocked because I had thought they said they would only transfer 2 blastocysts unless we were willing to do selective reduction. After all I've been through, there is no way I would ever put myself in the position to do this...so my doctor suggesting returning 3 embryos. Out of the 4, there were 2 male hatching blastocysts and 1 female & 1 male morula (stage below blast). The doctor assured us that the chances of triplets is around 2%...but I had to laugh because I always seem to be in those small percentages! (Like m/c after seeing a h/b.) Anyway, my husband and I decided that we would take our chances & the outcome (singleton, twins, or triplets), we would be happy! We transferred the 2 male blastocysts & the 1 female morula. The male morula is hopefully going to continue to grow to the blast stage & then be cryopreserved.

The actual transfer procedure was pretty quick. My husband and I felt like we were in a sci-fi movie! It was a very surreal experience. They had me rest for 20 minutes & then we were able to go home. I reclined the seat in the car & threw myself in bed as soon as I got home. I got up only to pee! (I'm sorry I didn't update you all last night....I was nowhere near the computer!) I am so glad that I have the next 4 days off because schools are closed in NJ for the Teachers' Convention. Tomorrow morning I have to go in for bloodwork....they want to check progesterone levels. My beta is next Friday 11/12! I can't thank you all enough for helping me get through this crazy process...I have a long way to go until next Friday, but I am just so thankful that I got this far!

My mom keeps singing this refrain "The Lord is Kind and Merciful" everytime I speak to her & it actually makes me feel at ease. (She was singing it from her job yesterday & I told her she better watch that she doesn't get fired!) EVERYTHING is out of my hands....so I need to just sit back, relax, eat right, & do my 2 shots (progesterone & Lovenox) a day!

No News is Good News?????

I am going crazy here with this "No News is Good News" crap. I was checking my cell phone all day for messages, as well as my home voice mail. I was very happy that I didn't hear anything, but I am still freaking out over the outcome of the PGD. Why would an RE office keep people strung along like this? The last I heard, (on Saturday), I had 7 embryos.....I haven't heard a number since then....That was 3 DAYS AGO!!!!!

I'm taking the day off tomorrow & I should receive a call in the morning regardless of the outcome. If I am having my transfer tomorrow, then they will give me my arrival time...if all the embies are gone or abnormal, then the doctor will let me know what happened. I have HUGE knots in my stomach that I can't keep under control. Part of it is that I am CONSTANTLY hungry....(like when I am pregnant)...the other part is I am totally nervous. The freaking WAITING NEVER ends! I feel better that I got some of this out...so I guess my blog is doing its job! I realize these posts lately have been so boring...but this is all I have on my mind! Thank you for all your prayers....they are keeping me going!!! Best wishes to all, Cara

Passed one more hurdle!

Thank you all for sending some prayers...my little ones stuck it out & made it to PGD today. According to the nurse, tonight & tomorrow are critical days. She didn't know how many embryos I had left, but she said no news is good news. They went forward with the PGD, and by tomorrow they should know if any are normal. If so, then we go ahead with transfer on Wednesday....if not, then this cycle is over! I am very thankful that I at least made it this far...but I am anxious to find out the outcome! These past 3 days have been the longest of my life & I don't know how I am going to get through tomorrow! To top it all off, the progesterone shots I am taking are giving me major IPS! This cracks me up everytime I get happy about my sore boobs because my embryos aren't even in me! Oh well, I guess I am having fun cracking myself up! Here comes the HUGE PGD hurdle...I pray that I can make it over this one!!